Amore

So, I am not a romantic by any means. (Perhaps somewhat false... I am female, but not to the extent of most females I know) I, on the other hand, am a skeptic at best... a realist... One who questions, re-questions, and then analyzes a little more... I dont just jump in and trust, or fall without thought...

I dont take people at their word. I want proof. Its not enough for a guy to woo me, I want them to show they care about me as a person, a friend. I want them to allow me time to trust them. A natural progression. I think thats why I have always thought I will one day end up marrying my best friend. I just think that love is more than a feeling or emotion... Its a relationship.

Its funny though how in Rome God has wooed me. Okay, please read on without thinking Im crazy...

I have the same perspective of God. I want him to love me (John 3:16), to be assured of his love, to be affirmed that he loves me for ME not because of my performance (Eph.2:8-9), and to know that he is faithful (Read about Him and Peters denial).

Self Protection is a strategy of mine... Ill open up, but not enough to where you could actually know me and hurt me. Its funny because I can see how the last three years God has been building a foundation for me. In his word and by spending time with Him he has shown me that he DOES love me... he has affirmed this truth countless times. He has given examples of his love by loving others and being faithful to others. I have read these truths.

Now, here, in Rome I am experiencing it. I am dwelling in it. Consumed in it. Overflowing in the fact that God loves me and desires for me to have a relationship with Him. God desires me not so he can change me, but so that he can love me. God desires me not so I can serve Him, but so that he can love me. Its consuming.

To love without expectation. To love knowing that you can and probably will get hurt. God has shown me that love. Incredible. To love just because you desire to....

The last week has been different then those before. Its been more of a struggle, not seeing tangiable results is hard. Trusting that God is working even when you dont see it requires faith. Feelings of doubt and questioning why Im here have crept up. But God is faithful and his word continues to point me to the truth that I am here for a purpose and that God is using this experience to draw me and others closer to Him.

Its cool too because God has been using my Psych. knowledge to relate with what I am learning here. All around us there are SO many needs. Its really easy to just give the Italian students what we think they need- to spout off the gospel and then head on our way. But to meet their needs as Christ did... to look and think (What does this person need? Are there certain things or barriers that need addressed before he or she is able to accept this truth?) As in Maslows Hiearchy of needs... certain things must be fulfilled before a person is able to move on to the next need.

Just doing all out of love. Not performance, not to be a good example, not because I am told to... but because I love God and want others to know of this love. The love that transcends all understanding...

Just so much God has shown and revealed to me... my judgement, self righteousness... (even if only expressed internally- how wrong and prideful that truly is)

Trusting in the truth that as long as I am dependent on Christ, I am right where I need to be.

Wow, I sound like a sap. lol :) Just wanted to share with you all what Ive been learning. miss you and love you.

Amanda